Bye Bye Birdie!
by CiZiwejes
Summary: An angst fic requested by Fuuei-chan.Something that Goku saw sent shivers down to his spine and drenched his face with tears.And it was left to Sanzo to do the curing.Can he? Read and find out ^_^!Don't forget to review!!Arigatou minna-san!!^o^.COMPLETED!
1. It

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Saiyuki characters. They honorably belong to Minekura Sensei. Please don't sue me.

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Ayie: Fuuei-chan, this fic is written after your request… Thanks for your compliment but actually I'm not that good in expressing sad scenes. Here goes another angst fic… but please don't kill me if it's not really angst at all ^__^" 

Sanzo: Argh!! You really want to pick a fight with me don't you? I'll kill you… I'll kill all those people who wanted to read angst fic about me….

Ayie: clamped Sanzo's mouth with her hands Yare…yare… suman ne minna-san. ^__^" Sanzo is really against me writing an angst fic…especially if the fic focused a lot on him. grinned devilishly as she knocked Sanzo senseless to the bed 

Gojyo: Yada…yada… these two maniacs on loose should be kept in an asylum… they should not be left wandering around in public. They are worse than SARS!!!  

Hakkai: Arara… it's rude to say such thing Gojyo… well minna-san, enjoy the fic and please review O__^.                   Goku: Ayie-nee-chan… hata harahetta ne!! tugged at ayie's shirt and dragged her away to the kitchen

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**Bye Bye Birdie! **

Gojyo stopped picking the peaches from the ground and glanced over his shoulder. There's a creepy feeling crawling up to his neck. It's too quiet. That's impossible since Goku was with him. Why all the gibbers and chatters from that baka saru stopped at sudden? 

It was what Gojyo had expected. The silence was not weird since the saru was nowhere in sight. "Ch!" he grunted irritably. "Ano baka… I've told him not to wander too far" Gojyo rose up to his feet and walked grumpily into the woods, where Goku was last seen picking up ripe peaches from the ground. The red haired man looked up to the peach tree before him. Goku was not there, hanging on the branches like he expected that saru to be. 

"K'so!" Gojyo sighed in disappointment. 'Why it has to be me searching for food with the saru?' Gojyo turned around. "Oi saru!! Where are you? Don't expect me to find you if you went missing!!!" he warned. He got no reply. Gojyo stomped his foot to the ground, annoyed. He sniffed around, no sign of any youkais around. 'Okay… that saru is not in danger…relax'

"Oi Goku!!! I have no time to play around… Come out now!!" Gojyo shouted angrily, sending some birds that were resting peacefully in their nests flying off to the sky. Gojyo looked up. 'Where all these birds come from?' then he turned his gaze to the bushes as he heard a shuffling sound in that direction. 

The bushes were spread opened as a pair of hands emerged from behind it. A spiky brown haired head popped out of the thorny bushes. Gojyo sighed with relief but then he marched grimly towards the young itan appearing from the bushes. He curled up his fist and smacked the boy hard on his head. The golden-eyed itan flung and landed a few feet away from the bush. And he didn't land on his feet, but on his back.

" That's for not answering when I called you!" Gojyo scolded the young man. His eyes flared with rage as he looked down to Goku. But then the rage in his eyes faded away slowly when he noticed the look in that boy's face. Goku made no sound at all, even pouting at the pain in his head.

"Goku?" Gojyo's tone changed as he realized there's something wrong with Goku. Goku should have rise up and call him ero kappa or red haired gokiburi, then kick him or punch him or something. But what he was seeing right now was far from what he thought that kid is going to do. 

 Goku just lay dumbfounded on the ground. Propping on one elbow, he rose up to a sitting position and sat cross-legged in front of Gojyo. He stared down to his feet and hung his head so low that his face almost touches his chest. No sound escaped from his mouth. In fact he made no effort to talk at all. Goku's face showed nothing.

"Oi saru!" Gojyo's voice soothed a bit. Goku is acting weird and damn! He didn't like it at all. He bent down with both hands on his lap and reached a hand to touch the saru. Suddenly, Goku looked up to him and curled his lips in a pretending smile. The smile faded away then. Gojyo retreated his hand to his side. 

"Can we go back to Sanzo and Hakkai?" Goku asked and Gojyo realized the solemn in that boy's tone. Goku scrambled up to his feet and turned around to the direction where Sanzo and Hakkai waited for them in jippu. 

Gojyo stared at Goku as the boy walked with feeble gait throughout the woods. 'What happened to him?' He started to tail the boy when he realized he was left far away behind. 

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Hakkai glanced up to the rear-view mirror, into the image of the silent boy sitting at the backseat. Hakkai's brow arched when he sensed no emotions at all on Goku's face. Their journey to the nearest town has been a little bit quiet since they left the woods about an hour ago. No bickering or arguments occurred between the two passengers at the back. Even Sanzo's harisen hadn't come in view today and that monk's shoureijuu hadn't lost even a bullet. 

"We're going to reach the town in a few minutes more" Hakkai exclaimed, checking on the map. He tossed the map away to the seat and gazed back at the road. "Goku… would you like me to cook for you when we get there?" Hakkai smiled merrily, hoping that the latter would respond to his remark. But no sound came from the back. 

Gojyo stared down to Goku. The boy was looking at nothing down to jippu's floor. "Goku?" Gojyo called out.

Goku looked up to him, bedazzled. "Unh?" he seemed to blank off completely. 

"Hakkai was saying something" Gojyo informed as he studied Goku's face. Still, the emptiness was clearly shown upon that itan's face. It was that look that made Gojyo thinks twice to poke the boy's head. 

Goku chuckled slightly, hand behind his head. Gojyo sighed. 'He'd turned back to normal'. A thin, ghostly curl appeared on his lips. 

"Gomen Hakkai!" Goku said as he turned his gaze at Hakkai. "But… I'm not hungry" that reply caused Gojyo to jerk back and almost fell off the jeep. Sanzo turned around abruptly and stared at Goku and Hakkai almost lost control of the steering wheel because of the reply. 

Hakkai stepped on the brake and put jippu in a halt. He turned around and looked at Goku with concern. 'Did he just hear Goku said he's not hungry?'

"Nani?!" Gojyo gawked at Goku with his jaw dropped to his chest. "Did I just hear you said that you are not hungry?" He asked with amaze. 

"I'm not hungry" Goku repeated, no emotions displayed on his face. He was being serious. 

 Gojyo could not hold it anymore. He shook Goku's shoulder furiously. "Oi saru! Are you sick or something?" Gojyo showed his concern in a violent manner. "You should be hungry!!!" Gojyo corrected Goku's statement. Goku hadn't eaten anything since morning. It's impossible that he's not hungry. 

Goku looked up to Gojyo with a pleading look. "Onegai… I'm not hungry…" he pled, almost moaning. 

Gojyo stammered at seeing Goku's eyes. 'This is not Goku that I know'. He sunk to his seat, leaning against the jeep and deep sigh of disbelief escaped from his mouth. Gojyo heard a harsh click of the shoureijuu, pointed at his temple. He looked at Sanzo from the corner of his eyes. Sanzo gave him a deadly glare and it seemed to pierce into his eyes. 

"What have you done to him?" Sanzo's question sounded like a death call to Gojyo. 

Gojyo shook his head. "Kill me if you want to… but I don't know what happened" Gojyo reply came along with another sigh. He buried his face into his palms. 

"Daijoubu da yo Sanzo… I'm okay, Gojyo did nothing to me" Goku defended the kappa, much to Sanzo and Hakkai's dismay. Goku would never side with the kappa. The day Sanzo shot Gojyo would be the day Goku died of laughing out of joy. Even Gojyo lifted his face and stared at Goku with shock.

Sanzo grunted. He pointed his shoureijuu to Goku's temple and cocked the deadly weapon. "Where's Goku?" Sanzo asked. This is not Goku. This boy must have been youkai disguising as Goku. "Speak up or die!!" came out Sanzo's warning and he's not joking. 

Goku didn't make any effort to evade the bullet if Sanzo would ever shoots. He just let the mouth of the shoureijuu be pointed at his temple. His face showed no fear or dread. His face showed absolutely nothing at all. 

"Just shoot me Sanzo!!" suddenly Goku cried out loud and grabbed the shoureijuu from Sanzo's hand. He pointed the shoureijuu to his head and pulled the trigger. 

"Goku!!!" Sanzo, Hakkai and Gojyo's screams were the last thing that he heard.

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Hakkai looked at the sleeping figure on the bed. His hand reached out for the boy's hair and caressed it lovingly. Hakkai sighed as his hand made contact with the strip of cotton bandage around Goku's head. A smear of blood smudged the bandage at the spot where the bullet had hit. 

_"Goku!!" the three of them cried alarmingly at seeing Goku pulling the trigger of Sanzo's shoureijuu. At the exact time, Sanzo leapt out from his seat and smacked the spirit-ascending gun from Goku's hand. The gun blew off and sent the bullet hitting Goku at the corner of his temple. The bullet then swerved to the right and disappeared in the woods._

_Goku collapsed into Sanzo's protective arms. Blood poured down from the wound on his temple. Gojyo sunk to his knees, kneeling next to Sanzo and held Goku's trembling hand in his own. _

_"Goku! Goku!" Sanzo called out aloud. He knew the bullet missed it target but then Goku could die of lost of blood, which he was having right now. Sanzo took out an oversized hanky from his sleeve and dabbed it on Goku's wound. He tried to stop the blood from streaming down profuselyt. Hakkai hurried to Goku's aid. _

_The healer of the ikkou put his palm on Goku's temple and a green beam hovered in between Goku's temple and his palm. The wound slowly closed up, leaving a little scar with thin line of crimson liquid trickling down his cheek.  _

That was close. That was just too close. Sanzo smacked the shoureijuu just in time before Goku could get the right aim. A little to the left and the bullet would penetrate his skull and blow his brain into pieces. If that happened, even his ki would not help to bring Goku back.

Goku moaned restlessly as Hakkai's hand brushed his face. Hakkai smiled. He moved his hand away and patted the boy's arm, reassuring him to sleep. The emerald-eyed man pulled the blanket and covered Goku up to his neck. He rose up from the bed and walked to the door. Glancing at Goku, making sure that he's asleep, Hakkai turned the doorknob and opened the door. He stepped out of the room and pulled the door softly behind him. 

"So how?" the man leaning against the wall next to the door asked. Gojyo didn't even look at him but from his tone, Hakkai knew well he was worried like hell. Gojyo has been waiting outside the room since Hakkai set to work healing Goku.  

Hakkai smiled edgily. "There's a slight fever but he's still sleeping… I don't think he would wake up tonight" Hakkai assured and sighed, relief but still worried. He knew well that Goku's mind is still unstable. He could not do anything to heal that without knowing the reason for Goku's nuisance.

Gojyo turned and faced Hakkai. He glanced to the door, as if he could see what was beyond it. Gojyo let out a deep breath and shook his head. 

"How's Sanzo?" Asked Hakkai. 

"Not good" the answer came briefly out of Gojyo's mouth. "He hadn't said anything" Gojyo looked to the door of another room in front of Goku's room. The room has been locked since the last time they checked in at the inn.

"He must felt rather guilty of what had happened to Goku" Hakkai assumed and shook his head. He looked at Sanzo's room. It's possible that Sanzo thinks that it was his fault that Goku had been injured. After all it's his shoureijuu that Goku used to shoot his head. 

"Well… things would only get better if Goku woke up and retell what had happened to him… till then we could not do anything" Gojyo raised his shoulder. He tried to stay calm in a situation like this, but Hakkai would have done it better. 

Hakkai nodded. "I guess we could not do anything ne?" he agreed.

Gojyo raised his shoulders. "Care for a drink?" Gojyo tried to be cheerful even though he was totally distressed. 

Hakkai smiled. "Hai! As long as the drink was on you" he chirped. 

"Hai hai! I've got no choice don't I?" Gojyo started walking to the staircase, crossing his arms behind his head as he walked. "After all, I still owed you a glass of sake from losing the game last night" Gojyo sighed as he walked down the stairs.

Hakkai chuckled. He trailed Gojyo's steps and headed for the stairs.

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 Goku snapped his eyes opened and stared at the ceiling above him. He blinked his eyes several times and jerked up to a sitting position. The sudden pain in his head made him moaned and groaned in agony. Involuntarily, his hand went up to his forehead, feeling the rough surface of the cotton bandage around his head as he did so. 

'What happened?' he asked himself as he glanced around the dark room. He was not in jippu anymore, but in a room, probably in an inn. Harkuryu curled up at his feet, making a bed out of his cloak and shirt. The little white dragon blew up tiny puff of smoke as he snored into his deepest sleep. Goku smiled weakly. He yanked the blanket away from his body and wrapped Harkuryu in it. 

Goku drew his knees closer to his chest and crossed his arms on it. He sunk his chin in his arms and stared at the empty wall before the bed. The young itan turned his gaze outside the balcony. The darkness of the night covered the earth with silence and serenity. The crescent moon shone dimly upon the dark sky, showering the land beneath with faint beams. Somewhere out there, he could hear the howling of the bobcat and the cooing of the owl. 

Goku sighed. 'Everything is just the same!'

Without him allowing it, tears trickled down on his cheeks. Goku drew his hand to his face and wiped the tears away but it comes down another after another, not wanting to stop no matter how hard he tried. After a moment of futile efforts, Goku stopped wiping the tears and let them flowed freely on his face. He hugged his knees and enveloped his body into the warmth of his arms. 

It came with no warning. Goku's body went stiffed and suddenly shivered furiously. The image from today's event came back to haunt him. "I don't want to be alone" he whispered beneath his faint breath. "I don't want to be alone" he kept saying that over and over.

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Flashback

He looked at Gojyo, who was crawling on the ground, picking up ripe peaches as he did so. He smirked at the thought of him darting toward Gojyo, kicked him hard on the butt and sent him stumbling with his face kissing the ground. He was about to do so when he heard something from the bushes at his back. Goku turned around and kept his ears at alert. He sniffed, sensing for any youki. But no, he smelt nothing of that kind. 

"Gojyo…" Goku called for the kappa but the latter didn't respond, as he was busy mumbling to himself. Gojyo has been grumbling over and over about having to go into the woods to find food. He protested before but the click of Sanzo's shoureijuu made him scampered on his feet and ran for the woods. 

"Ch! Ano baka ero kappa" Goku grunted and turned aroud. 'Why bother telling him… he wouldn't really care anyway'. He made his way through the bushes and jumped to the ground, into another side of the bushes. 

Goku looked around, searching for the thing that has made the sound he heard before. He found nothing that matched the sound, except for some bees buzzing at their hive on top of the maple tree. 

The young itan was about to make his way back to Gojyo when he heard the sound again. He turned his head and glanced over his shoulder. This time at the precise direction of where the sound came from. Goku stopped his pace and tiptoed to the direction, under another maple tree. 

He halted right before the bark and looked down. The sight under his shadow made him gawped with fret. Goku backed away a few steps from the bark and tripped over a stone. He stumbled on his back. He crept away from the thing he just saw and shook his head frantically. 

A bird. A little yellow bird lied motionless on the ground. It dropped there dead. 

Flashes of images flickered before his eyes. 

_A bird with yellow feathers lied motionless on the ground before the steel bars. He tried to reach out for it but he could not as the bars were limiting his distance with the bird. He stretched his hand again and again until his arms were scraped bloody by the constant rubs with the tarnished bars. But still, he could not even touch the lifeless being. _

_"Onegai… just let me touch it for one last time" he cried helplessly, hoping that someone would hear him. But no one would. He wailed out loud as he realized his effort was vain. He clung to the bars and shook it furiously, hoping that it would actually come off and he could run after the bird. Goku wailed and wailed, but no one listened. _

_"I don't want to be alone!!!" he cried and cried. "I don't want to be alone!!!" _

Goku looked at the bird under the maple tree and clutched his head in his arms. He shook it over and over, but the images just don't want to go away. Goku sobbed faintly and muttered something between his short breathe.

"I don't want to be alone" 

End of Flashback 

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Goku shook his head, clinging to it like he does not want to let go. Tears still streaming down on his face, soaking it wet. 

"Please… I don't want to be alone" he whispered and it was followed by soft sobs. 

All those years in that stone prison, he was yearning for a friend. He was hoping for someone to be with him, to take him in his arms and said everything will be just fine. He spent five hundreds years dreaming and yearning for something he knew he would never get. It took a miracle for him to have his dreams come true. 

Then it came. One sunny day, where he was hoping for the sun to come down and talked to him, it came flying through the steel bars and landed on the ground. It hopped around and perched on his fingers when he reached down a hand. It twitted merrily as it perched on his fingers. He laughed with it, singing with it as it chirped a happy song. 

But then, on another sunny day, he saw it. It lied motionless before the stone prison, beyond the bars. He tried to reach out for it but he could not. His hand was too short that it could not even touch it. He tried at every seconds but failed in each attempt. Nights and days passed by, he could only watched it as it decayed, then turned into dust and lastly combined with the earth beneath. 

He wailed and wailed but no one listened. 

Goku wiped the tears away but the salty drops just wouldn't go and leave him. Why? Why loneliness won't leave me alone? Why it could not set me free and let me live peacefully with my friends? With my sun? 

Goku felt an unknown feeling emerging into the surface, breaking him into uncontrollable tears. His body trembled vigorously and his head felt as if it could blow up any second now. He felt a sudden chill creeping down his spine and then he felt his heart burning, aching and stabbing his chest until he could not breath. He has to let it out. He burst into tears. 

The feeling he's having right now was the one that encouraged him to take the gun from Sanzo's grip and shot his temple. It's the same feeling that made him speechless. It's the same feeling that made him not hungry. It's the same feeling that made him want to kill himself desperately. It's the same feeling that made him wanted to bang his head to the wall right now and it's the same feeling that drove him to wail out loud.

"Just leave me alone!!!!!" Goku screamed his lungs out and wailed tremendously to the sky. The silence of the night broke away into sudden noise of the fretting beings. 

To be continue….

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Ayie: I'm going to finish this fic in the next chap… this is a short fic. I could not write a very long angst fic with Sanzo pointing his shoureijuu at my head like what he' doing right now. glanced over her shoulder and sweat dropped at seeing Sanzo towering above her

Sanzo: smirking devilishly you promised me two chaps… if you ended up doing a lot more like what you've done with Season in the Sun… I'll blow your head off cocked the gun at instant

Ayie: Careful will ya? I still need that brain to finish 'Surviving Life' and if you killed me… I'll wake up from the dead and haunted you till you die… -___-+

Sanzo: I don't mind… that will happen later. 

Ayie: Ch! K'so!!                      Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku: -___-()…. Don't worry, they won't kill each other… because they loved each other too much.. it's just their way of expressing their love. shook heads


	2. Alone

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Saiyuki characters. They honorably belong to Minekura Sensei. Please don't sue me.

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Ayie: Hai hai! I know that the last chap was not so depressing… ^__^" weird though… I could write angst fic better when I'm happy when I should have wrote it best when I'm sad…like right now? Gomen! 

Hakkai: Yare yare desune! Ayie-san, calm down will ya… you said it yourself that the last chap was only the intro… the real angst is in this one. After all you still have a lot of angst fic coming over into FFNet soon…

Ayie: I guess I did ne? ^__^… looks to the right and left don't tell Sanzo about this or else he would surely kill me… Gojyo: Where's that namaguza bouzu anyway? 

Ayie: He was wandering around the house… searching for me to blast a bullet through my head for making this fic…I've got to go… jaa…! runs away from Hakkai and Gojyo when she spotted Sanzo marching toward her

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**Bye Bye Birdie! - Part II**

Sanzo's POV

I looked around. It's dark even though the crescent moon shone dimly above the sky. It's not another starry night. There's no star to count tonight. The night breeze brushed faintly across my face and sent the cold down to my spine. Let it be! I want to stay this way. 

I studied my two hands. These hands took you away from the stone prison but then it's the same one that pointed a gun to your head, which almost got you killed today. I slapped my head with these two hands. Why did you do that Goku? Was it my fault that you attempted to kill yourself? Was it because I always threatened to kill you that you don't want to live anymore? 

But… but… you never did this before. We spent like what? Eight or nine years together, never did you do this before. Why now Goku? Why now when I think you've got everything… When you've got Hakkai, when you've got Gojyo…when you've got me? Is it something that I've said? Is it something that we've said? 

Goku? The one who can see beyond invisible things. Why I had the feeling I once knew this name before and why I had the feeling that we've known each other for so long? I never wished for someone I have to protect… but then I could not help myself from freeing you from the stone prison and swore to protect you by the time I took your hands in mine.

I could have kill you myself when I get the chance so I wouldn't have to feel like this… helpless and guilty. May be I should kill you when we first met… so I don't have to feel like I'm going to lose you… like what I'm feeling right now. But I just can't. I could not kill you when I had the chance… I could not kill you when we first met… was it because I treasure you too much? Was it because I loved you so much? Was it because I need you? 

That's it! I misused you didn't I? I was being selfish. I need you to calm me down, to know that someone cared for me. I used you so that I know someone is looking after me, loving me and worrying after me. Never did I return that favor back to you. I never showed you how much I cared and I never let you know that I'll be there for you when you need me. I'm selfish… and that makes you disappointed. I'm right am I? 

The healer and the kappa were looking after you. I wanted to be there, by your side but then I just can't. I don't know how to look at you. It's my gun that almost killed you Goku… how can I live with that fact? 

"Goku…" that word slipped from my mouth. 

"Just leave me alone!!!" that scream penetrated to my ears. I turned my head and looked at the door. The scream came from your room. Is that you Goku?

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"Just leave me alone!!!" 

Sanzo turned his head and glanced to his door. He kept his ears in alert. He was sure that the scream came from Goku's room right before his room. 'What happened now?' Sanzo's heart pumped so fast as if he just completed a hundred meters race. 

"K'so!!" Sanzo cursed from in between his breath and darted toward the door. He turned the doorknob hastily and yanked the door opened. Sanzo dashed toward Goku's door and kicked the itan's door.

The door slammed hard to the wall behind it and caused a loud bang that jerked Harkuryu away from his sleep. Sanzo looked around. There's no one inside the room, no Hakkai and no Gojyo. The blonde monk scanned the room and found the one he's searching for curling on the floor, weeping and wailing like crazy.

"Goku?" Sanzo advanced into the middle of the room and nudged the curling being with one foot. The itan didn't moved a bit. He kept wailing and weeping. His shoulder trembled furiously and loud sobs escaped from his mouth. Goku's breath was short and harsh, like it was stuck down at his throat. The boy was facing the wall before him. 

"Ch!" Sanzo shoved away the feeling that was hovering his head and squatted next to the brown haired boy. He put one hand on that boy trembling shoulder and shook it softly. "Oi saru! Why are you crying anyway?" asked Sanzo, trying to stay as calm as possible. Actually he himself was feeling like crying right now. Seeing Goku acting like this made his heart torn into pieces. 

"Sanzo…" Goku moaned. "Please don't leave me" he wailed out softly. His voice was stiffed as if he had lost the ability to let it out freely. His words were followed by faint sobs that refused to stop. 

'Goku?' Sanzo was stunned. 'Why he'd think like that? He knows I'll never leave him alone'. He held Goku's shoulders and forced that kid to sat upright, facing him. Goku refused at first but then he surrendered to Sanzo. Sanzo made Goku looked at him. 

"What is it?" Sanzo tried to soothe the boy, which is so rare of him. 'Hakkai would have done this better and please don't let Gojyo sees me like this, or he'll make fun of me forever'

Goku looked up to Sanzo. But then when he gazed upon that man's face, images flashed before his eyes. Sanzo standing before him with a spear stuck in his chest, Sanzo being clawed to death by the Scorpion lady, Sanzo stood motionless on the bed after an encounter with Homura… when he looked at Sanzo, he saw blood, the monk's blood everywhere on the ground. 

"No!!! No!!!" Goku shouted as he clung to his head and shook it frantically. "I don't want to be alone" he sobbed. Out of the blue, his fist darted toward Sanzo's chest and it smashed hard onto it, making the latter jerked back and coughed out harsh. 

"Goku!!" Sanzo was taken aback. Less that he thought Goku would hit him like that. He stared at Goku with eyes so wide and mouth gaped opened. The blond monk studied the face of his younger companion, making sure that he was the real Goku. The real Goku would never hit him like that. Goku would rather die than hurting him. 

But then, Sanzo was sure this is Goku that he knew, that he raised up when that boy gave him a pleading look in the eyes, the same pleading look that managed to melt his heart back all those years. Those golden orbs had lost it shines. They were totally blank and empty. 'Goku?'

"Gomen Sanzo…" Goku seemed to wail but only soft cries emerged from his mouth. Suddenly, he rose up to his feet. Goku had stopped crying, but the tears still trickling down to his face. 

Sanzo bewildered at the look on Goku's face. Goku was totally lost. The look in his eyes right now was the same as the look he had on his face when he pulled the trigger and sent the bullet dashing to his temple. Sanzo was about to scrambled up to his feet when Goku dashed toward the wall and banged his head furiously.

"Goku!!!" Sanzo shouted alarmingly. He reached out one hand to Goku. 'Please… please stop!'

*************************** 

Hakkai looked to his side. Gojyo was finishing the last drip of sake from his glass. A thin curl appeared on his lips as he turned back his gaze to the liquid in his glass. He made a bottom's up and gulped away his last remaining sake in one go. He put his glass down and smiled. 

There's no one in that bar. Even the barkeeper was dozing off to sleep. The light was gloomy and blurry, reflecting the men's feeling. The air was still and stiff, muting into serenity.

"What is it Gojyo?" Hakkai tried to bait the fish out of the water. 

Gojyo sighed. He slammed his glass hard on the bar and hung his head low. "We almost lost Goku today Hakkai" he whispered beneath his breath, too slow to be heard by others but enough for Hakkai to listen to.

Hakkai's smile faded away in a blink of an eye. He just let the red haired man did the talking because he himself had already lost of words. 

"I never imagine things would be this way… I never thought that someday we would lose Goku" Gojyo almost sobbed out the words. But he was too ego to cry. He never failed to hold back the tears even though kaasan tried to kill him or beat him to death when he was a little child. "I mean I always thought Goku was so strong… he was able to fight without getting himself killed" Gojyo released all burdens he's having inside, deep from bottom of his heart. 

Hakkai nodded once. But still he refused to say anything.

"I always assure myself that Goku will be just fine… he'll survive…we don't have to worry about him" Gojyo never runs out of words when he felt like talking. "But now… I realized one thing… he's just a kid and he could die someday" his voice is getting lower at pitch. 

No respond from the emerald-eyed youkai. Hakkai stood silent like a dummy. He's breathing but he looks like as if he's out cold. 

"And I don't know if I can accept that when the day comes" Gojyo's breath is getting harsher. It's obvious he's trying to hold back his sorrow. Hakkai knew too well that Gojyo would not burst out crying. It's just not him to cry out aloud. 

Hakkai sighed and the smile reappeared on his face. "You love him so much don't you?" he asked. He knew he did. 

Gojyo stood up. He put down the money and headed for the exit. "I'm going for a walk… alone" he said as he waved his hand. 

Hakkai sat silently at the bar. 'You loved him so much that you cannot afford to lose him… we all can't' 

Gojyo opened the door and walked out of the bar. 'Loved him? Who wouldn't?' 

*************************** 

"Goku!!!" Sanzo darted toward the young itan, who's banging his head to the wall. The wooden wall grumbled and shook violently every time the kid pounded his head onto it. The dust from the rotten wall crumbled and fell down to floor when Goku's forehead made encounter with the wooden planks. 

Sanzo cringed with horror at seeing Goku's face covered with blood that came pouring down from his latter wound. The cotton bandage was soaked wet with crimson liquid. The pounding is reopening the wound and Hakkai was not here. 'Where's Hakkai when you need him?' 

Goku's face is getting paler than before and his lips turned blue. Sweats on his face mixed up with the blood, giving away the copper-liked smell that made Sanzo's nose wrinkled.  

"Kyu! Kyu!" Harkuryu hovered over their heads, flapping his wings and snuggling Goku's neck. Goku smacked the dragon away but the latter doesn't want to give up. He kept snuggling Goku's head, urging the kid to stop hurting himself.

"Goku!! Yameru!!" Sanzo almost pled. Goku is killing himself, again! Sanzo could not help it anymore. He forcefully turned Goku's body to face him and made the boy looked straight to his eyes. Amethyst met golden. Rage is in the amethyst and nothing in golden. 

"What happened to you?!" Sanzo asked, raising his voice to the top of his lungs. He shook Goku's shoulder furiously. His face flushed red with anger. He felt like steam blowing off from his head. Seeing Goku hurting himself was a pain he could not endure. 

Goku was not himself again. Sanzo could feel the beast inside the boy emerging to the surface. The kid struggled in his hold, trying to get free. He tried to yank himself away from Sanzo's grip, kicking and punching the latter with enormous effort. 

Without him knowing it, Sanzo swung his hand and slapped Goku hard on his cheek. Amazingly, the boy ceased the struggle and calm down. He stared at Sanzo blankly. Golden eyes blinked with tears, staring at his sun. The tears that started to form a pool on his eyelids glinted under the moonlight showering from the slight ajar window. The boy's face drenched with tears and he looked at Sanzo with the look that melted Sanzo's heart. 

Sanzo was taken aback when Goku suddenly burried his face onto his torso and burst out crying. The sudden impact that hit him caused him to jerk back a few steps. He steadied himself and gained the balance a moment later. The blond monk glanced down to the brown haired head sinking into him. Goku's body went limp and feeble. 

Sanzo sighed with relief. He didn't know from where he had the urge to wrap his arms around the young itan's body and hugged him tightly. But he did it. He sunk his face onto Goku's messy brown hair and planted a ghostly kiss that even Kanzeon Bosatsu couldn't see from her lotus pond. 

A single marble-liked drop of salty substance escaped from in between his eyelids. That drop looked like a pearl when it gleamed under the dim moonlight. That's the first he ever shed after Komyou Sanzo's death. 

Goku sobbed harshly on Sanzo's torso and his body shivered violently. The amethyst-eyed blond could feel his black-leathered suit got drenched with the latter's tears. Goku's body is sinking down to his knees. Sanzo dragged Goku to the bed and sat down with the latter on his laps. 

The monk sat cross-legged on the bed and carefully made Goku nestled in his cradle. He wrapped Goku's body in his arms and sunk his face onto Goku's head. The thin slender arms of the boy on his laps crept around his waist, seeking warmth and protection. The worldly monk could hear the faint sobs and cries from the young itan's mouth. The skinny beings enveloped in his arms still shivered with sorrow. The tears hadn't cease. 

"Kyu?" Harkuryu cooed sadly as he nudged Goku's elbow with his nose. 

"Goku?" Sanzo whispered softly. The boy's cries stopped at hearing the monk's comforting tone. He wanted to look up but then there's a weight on his head that prevented him from doing so, probably from Sanzo's head. "Gomen…" that word slipped out from the man above his head. Goku trembled. 

"I'm sorry… if I hadn't point the shoureijuu to your head, you wouldn't end up wounded like this" Sanzo's voice a little bit harsh and husky. Goku didn't know if he's hearing it right, but he heard Sanzo sobbed faintly. 

Goku tightened his embrace around Sanzo's waist. He never intended for the man to cry for him. It's not his fault at all. He rather die than watching his sun crying like that. "Sanzo… onegai… damaru" he pled gently as he buried his face deeper into Sanzo's warmth. The tears just wouldn't stop no matter how hard he tried. 

"It's not your fault Sanzo… it's just that…" Goku stopped at that word. He could not continue it as he burst back into uncontrollable tears. The image of the yellow-feathered bird danced before his eyes as he closed his eyelids. Why he kept seeing it? Why doesn't it go away and leave him alone?

"Nanda?" Sanzo asked soothingly. He lifted his face and yanked Goku gently from his torso. He stared the latter's face and unwillingly let a hand wiped the tears away. He tried to hold back his own urge to cry at seeing the boy's tears. Goku hung his head so low, avoiding Sanzo's spit-it-all-out-saru glare. 

"I was locked up in that stone prison for hundreds of years… alone" Goku moaned. "I spent countless days and nights alone… with no one to talk to and with no flesh to touch and comfort me" Goku spat it out painfully. He still avoiding the monk's stare. 

"Why don't they just kill me and let me die…? That's a lot better than staying all alone in that cold prison" he allowed a sob escaped from his lips and a thin trickle of salty liquid streamed down his cheek. "They killed my only friend I had in that prison and made me watched it decayed right before my eyes…they tortured me until now" Goku wailed, making Sanzo's heart tore apart.

"I don't want the same fate occurred to Hakkai, Gojyo… and especially you" Goku cried and cried until his voice disappeared in his sobs.  "They won't leave me alone… they will continue to torture me until the day I die… they knew I could not afford to lose you… they will kill you" his breath went short, stuck in the middle of his voice box. 

Goku held his hands before his face and studied it. The hands shook tremendously. Sanzo grabbed the skinny hands and ceased the trembling. The kid's skin was icy cold. He reached out a hand and dragged Goku's head to his shoulder. The young itan cried helplessly on his shoulder. 

"I don't want to be alone" Goku hissed from beyond his sobs.

'So that's it!' Sanzo caressed Goku's head. The heat from the young boy's body stung to him like bee stings. He put one hand on Goku's forehead. The heat from Goku's body made he yanked his hand away at instant. 'He's having a high fever'

"Goku…" Sanzo called softly. This is the last time he's being nice. "You know I'll never leave you alone… none of us will" he assured, as gentle as possible. 'Great! Now I'm not being myself… or is it the other way around?'. "They can never kill me… I will not let them and you know that" Sanzo made a hushing sound when Goku's cries intense. 

"Goku… you know I'll blast off anyone's head if they wanted to kill me" Sanzo reminded the young itan. 'I'll never leave you alone… I would think twice to die when I think of you' 

"Even if it would be me?" Goku's question made Sanzo's heart stopped pumping. "What if one day I turn into that monster and attack you… will you kill me?" Goku asked, sobbing. He slowed down a little later; seeming to wait for the latter's answer. 

Sanzo had a hard time thinking for the answers. Should he tell him the truth or should he lie? What Hakkai would do at this time? 'I guess I only got one choice'

"Yes!" Sanzo answered. 'To the hell that I would… killing you was the last thing I had in my mind… the day I killed you would be the day I'm dying'

"Yukata…" Goku finally ceased crying. He hugged Sanzo tighter in his arms. Now he's feeling a lot better, relief at the fact that Sanzo would prevent him from killing his sun. Till the day of him attacking Sanzo… he knew he would never be alone. 

"Goku…" Sanzo called out with another soothing tone. Goku replied with a slight stir of his body. "Please promise me one thing" the blond monk requested as he landed a loving peck to the itan's temple without the latter knowing it. 

Goku nodded. 

"Please forget the thing that made you act like this… I could not stand it" Sanzo asked a little favor. 

"Hai!" the young kid chirped merrily as he nuzzled his nose to Sanzo's chest. "Sanzo… I'm sleepy" he whispered as he closed his eyes, dozing off into a REM. 

Sanzo's grip around Goku's shoulders tightened. He wished he had hugged Goku before, assuring him that everything is going to be all right. He wished Goku had told him how really felt, and then things don't have to turn out to be this way. A salty drop ran down his cheek and he wiped it away as he sunk his face into Goku's hair. 

The cold wind, the core of the still night blew in and brushed them softly. From afar, Sanzo could hear the howling of the wolves, calling out for the moon. The howls sounded so sad… as if wanting to tell all the beings on earth how much sorrow he felt. The breeze seemed to sing sad songs to their ears. Clouds hovered over the dimmed crescent moon, darkening the land beneath the wide dark sky. 

Slowly, the earth muffled into the silence and darkness of the night. 

Harkuryu curled up next to Sanzo and fell into his deepest sleep. A moment later, Sanzo could hear soft snores from the being in his cradle. Goku had fallen asleep, but never will he let go off his embrace. 

"Sleep… and tomorrow you'll wake up remembering nothing about today" Sanzo said gently, as he caressed the back of Goku's head. He closed his eyes and muttered something down his voice… "I love you Goku… don't leave me" 

************************ 

The magnificent orange orb emerged from beyond the hills, showering the land with great colors of red and orange. The light brings life to the still earth and the latter sang out happy songs as the beings inside it carry on with their living. 

The birds went on twitty-twit-twitty, chirping merrily as they hovered the sky, looking for food to feed their young ones. The reptiles crept on the ground, seeking for things to eat and hiding themselves from the predators. The mammals, including humans, youkais, hanyous, itans and kamis started crowding the land. The earth once again let to live as the darkness of the night slowly faded away. 

The roar of an engine penetrated throughout the woods as the green jeep made its way through the forest, heading to the direction with the sunrise at their back.

"Hata harahetta ne Sanzo" Goku whined as he flung his arms around Sanzo's neck. 

A vein popped out on Sanzo's forehead. He took out the legendary harisen from his oversized sleeve and turned around abruptly. A nice whack of the harisen hit the young itan right on his head. The whack was gentle, not risking the target to reopen his wound. 

"Ittai…" Goku moaned softly as he clutched to his aching head. A new strip of bandage wrapped around his forehead, courtesy of Hakkai's skill of bandaging the wound on his head. He pouted at Sanzo's hostility. "Mou kechii…" 

"CLICK!!" the shoureijuu made its appearance in the open. Goku's eyes widened at seeing the mouth of the shoureijuu pointed to his upper lips. "Make a sound and prepare to die" the blond monk warned, this time careful not to cock the hammer of that Smith and Wesson. 

Goku sweat dropped. He raised both arms in the air, surrendering.

Sanzo retreated with a harsh humph and settled back to his seat. He shoved the shoureijuu back into his robe and slammed his back to the seat. He closed his eyes and hung his head. The wind blew softly, causing locks of golden strands swayed aimlessly on his face.

Hakkai peeked with one eye at Sanzo's face. The serenity that fell upon the monk's face made him smiled happily. 'Looks like everything went back to normal' He glanced up to the rear view mirror, looking at the image of the hanyou and the itan fighting for dried squid at the backseat. 

_He opened the door of Goku's room and stepped inside. He halted at seeing the figures on the bed. He smiled heartily, looking at the sleeping Sanzo cradling Goku, who had dozed off to dreamland. The emerald-eyed man couldn't chase his smile away at seeing the serene sight before him. _

_It looks like he doesn't have to talk to Goku after all. The monk probably had completed the task for him. Both of the monk and the kid slept peacefully in each other's arms, sinking themselves into each other's warmth. _

_Hakkai smiled. He carefully pulled the door behind him, careful not to make any sound that could wake the sleeping beings. He retreated to his room, which supposed to be shared with Sanzo. It looked like he got the room for himself tonight, due to the fact that Gojyo would only come back in the morning._

"Yare… yare… desune…another peaceful day it seems" Hakkai chirped merrily. 

"Kono baka saru!" Gojyo poked Goku's head hard but careful not to burden Hakkai to bandage the wound for the umpteenth times. "I don't see your name written anywhere on this squid" he held Goku's head, preventing the latter from reaching the squid he's holding in his hand. The itan flailed his arms frantically over Gojyo's face, reaching for the squid. Gojyo looked at Goku's face. His heart jumped with joy at seeing Goku was back to himself again. 

"Kono ero kappa! Give me back my squid… Hakkai gave it to me and I was saving it for lunch!" Goku pouted as he pounded on Gojyo's face. His hands were too short to reach up for the squid. 

Sanzo's face reddened at hearing the noise from the backseat. He turned around and whacked the two passengers' head and then retreated to his seat, leaving away the latter agonizing to the throbbing pain in their heads. 

"Ma…ma…Sanzo..ulp!" Hakkai gulped down the words he was going to say when Sanzo sent him a deadly glare that pricked to his emerald eyes. Sanzo turned his gaze away from Hakkai's face and sunk his face until it almost touched his chest. A slight curl appeared on his lips. Deep down inside, he was relieved. 

The birds chirped happily as they flew up above the crystal clear blue sky. The wind blew softly and sang with the birds, bringing away with it shattered petals of cherry blossoms that whirled freely in the open air. Another beautiful day in Genkai.

But for the ikkou, it's just another typical day of their journey west. And the day seemed so wrong without Hakkai's favorite line.

"Ma…ma…what a peaceful day" Hakkai chirped, singing along with the birds as he did so. 

~Owari~

*************************** 

Ayie: Yep! There goes. How was it? Let me know if the fic sucks… I had the feeling that the fic was terrible though… considering on the mood swing I was having right now and the fact that Sanzo was haunting me for making him cried in this chap…

Gojyo: Ayie! He's here!!          Ayie: where?! Well, hope you enjoyed the fic… jaa… 

Sanzo: ran after Ayie without even turning to greet Hakkai and Gojyo

Hakkai: Yare…yare… Ayie actually was trying to thank all readers and reviewers… but now I guess it's my job to take over the thanking session… here goes…

Cats-4-wang – Thanks… but I guess even the happiest man on earth cries sometimes…O__^"

Nan – don't cry…you make me wanna cry too T__T

Fuuei-chan – sorry that this fic couldn't outwit Season in the Sun… must tell ayie to get all that anguish back.

NekoMegami-chan – Thanks for the compliment…yep…Ayie realized the fact that she's bad in grammar… please help her.

Stresser – Well, ayie has granted your wish… who else could cease Goku's sadness other than Sanzo smirked

Abby – Hai…Goku had a very bad past and don't' worry he got bunch of friends who's willing to cheer him up but Sanzo had already did that in this chap…^__~ and nope…ayie never went to Brent school…so it's a coincidence that she used up 'Bye bye birdie' for the tittle…^__^ [gomen abby-san…but where is Brent school? ^__^"]

Hakkai: Also thanks for future readers and reviewers… your support is badly needed since Ayie was in her mood swing these few days… and trust me she had a lot more fics to come…the one she had drafted was 'Brotherly Love'…angst fic, again!

  
  



	3. Notice's up!

Notes for all reviewers…

Chibi sanzo- Well…I'm not happy to hear GS-chan was not feeling very well, send my regards and my love to her and please console her for me. Nope! I'm not eating your profiterole but now I'm giving it to you…freshly baked gives away box of profiterole

UltraM2000 – Yare…yare…thanks for reviewing my fic. Yupe! I know I'm suck at grammar… please help me with that. bowed head slightly

Fuuei-chan – I'm glad you like chap 2 of this fic. I loved writing the scene too… and the cost was terrible. Now Sanzo desperately wanted to kill me…O_o". Hai! I'm starting a new angst fic right now…the fluff-fluffy one! he..he.. ^__^

Sk8er boi – I'm hiding in Sanzo's room right now and so far he hasn't found me out yet… thank God! Goku said he would not try killing himself again because he loved your cookies too much looked at the nodding Goku

Yoong – I liked every of your fics… and Yes! Goku's not alone. He got a lot of FFNet readers and authors at his side…gee… I hope I have a lot of people caring for me too :P

MissyIrene – Thanks for your compliment… I loved OOC Sanzo too…^o^. I'll write a lot more fics don't worry…for your info, I've already submitted four fics other than this one… Ch! I'm promoting myself again…GOMEN!!!


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